My Struggle

Ever since about 4th grade, I've struggled with my weight. It's been a tough journey for me; one that's been filled with major insecurities, bingeing on foods, and my lashing out on others because I was constantly feeling so badly about myself. I wanted to lose the weight, I just didn't have the motivation that I needed to make it happen.

My junior year of high school, I attended 'Mommy Boot Camp' - a.k.a. going to workout with my mom before school every day. This was a punishment for some foolish things that I did. Let me tell you - that was NOT fun. Despite the fact that I hated my mother for it at the time, I did lose 20 or so pounds, I felt great all day, and I looked damn good for my Junior Prom. Shortly after that, however I gained that weight back, because I stopped going to the gym everyday and continued my same diet.

Next came college. It felt wonderful (after the initial shock of being on my own) moving into an apartment with 3 other girls and starting classes. Having an apartment with a kitchen meant that I could cook my own foods and be healthier than those who were in the dorms, right? Wrong. That kitchen allowed me to bake cookies constantly, drink college-type of beverages with one of my roommates and some friends, and no one was telling me I couldn't do that, or that I needed to go to the gym. The result of that: I gained 30 pounds my freshman year. T-H-I-R-T-Y. That's a lot of weight to put on in a year; I was at my heaviest I had ever been. That summer, I decided I was going to get my butt back into shape. I lost about 20 lbs that summer. Luckily, one of my roommates was a Kinesiology major, so she worked with me a little to try and help me get my butt in shape. That worked for a bit, but eventually my weight crept back up.

The summer between my sophomore and junior years of college, I went on a Semester at Sea. This was an incredible opportunity in which I lived on a ship for 2.5 months and sailed around (mostly) Europe with a couple hundred other students and professors. During this time, I decided I would eat WHATEVER I wanted on land, because the odds were that I would never again have the opportunity to be in these places and try the foods. So I did. Danishes in Denmark, fries with mayo as well as chocolates (duh!) and beer (double duh!) and waffles (yeah!) in Belgium, lots of pasta, pizza, gelato, and vino in Italia... you get the point. Needless to say, the pounds added up, even as I tried to workout at the gym religiously.

Upon arrival to the United States, I quickly moved into my apartment at the main campus of Penn State. Thus began a whirlwind of craziness. I began drinking more, I was eating out more - there was SO many delicious new restaurants - and just eating junk. I ballooned almost back to my heaviest (10 pounds shy).

The summer after I graduated college, I met my, now, boyfriend. We were both still living in State College and working. We started dating and everything. He soon after moved home while I stayed at school, 3 hours away. At the end of the summer, I agreed to go to the beach with him and his famil (after only a month and a half of dating.. coulda been awkward, but was actually wonderful!). I had been moving my stuff home a few weeks prior to going to the beach, so after vacation, it was time to make the final move home.

Once I got home, I tried on my size 16 jeans and they wouldn't zip. It was at this point I realized that I had let myself get out of control. The fact that I was about 50 lbs heavier than my boyfriend was the final straw for me. I needed to make a change.

Starting September 1, I started eating more consciously and working out. I made a promise to myself that I would get healthier. I didn't have a particular goal weight in mind, but I just wanted to be the healthiest that I could be. So, I ate well (occasionally I would 'forget' to be mindful of my eating on weekends with my boyfriend or Holidays, of which there were quite a few) and worked out. By mid April, I had lost 50 pounds! I couldn't believe I had it in me! I thought it was a miracle! I realized, it wasn't; It was my hard work and dedication that helped me lose the weight.

This photo is at a 45 lb loss.. but I don't have any

that I could use for 50. Either way.. big difference.

As of today (May 18, 2012) I am stuck at a plateau that I can not seem to pass. But, overall I am happy, healthy, and purchased my first bikini! I'm gonna keep on keeping on, and this blog is for you to follow in my journey with me. Please comment any thoughts or questions you have for me.